Sag Harbor
When Benji's classmate makes fun of Benji's skin color, Benji doesn't know what to do. He and his friends sit in a shocked silence until one of them makes fun of Benji's French nationality. Benji is fine with settling the issue there, but his father is extremely disappointed Benji took no further action. "Why didn't you punch him like I told you to?" asks Benji's father. Benji is too nervous and agitated to say what he wants to, so he eventually falls upon the excuse that he was scared of being punched back. Benji's father in response hits him while asking if his French classmate could've hit him that hard. When Benji finally says no, Benji's father tells him "then there's nothing to be afraid of". Benji's father probably sees his actions as tough love, a necessary yet painful part of education about the unique struggles that African Americans have to go through. However, this teaching doesn't work and all Benji takes away is that his father can hurt him the most. I can relate to this old methodoligy of thinking, and how its teaching can hurt the younger generation.
While I also had similar experiences with race in elementary school and my parents also told me to hit my bullies, I was always too scared of the consequences and the mark on my record so I held back. Fortunately, my parents didn't push the issue like Benji's father did. However, how I can relate actually comes from a fairly recent experience. During quarantine and COVID, I have lost a lot of motivation and productivity, which is concerning for my parents. In my defence, I am still getting my work done, but my parents have issues with the amount of time I spend in calls with my friends and playing video games. This reached a boiling point one day when my mom confronte me after a call and said that in life, there are winners and losers. It is only during times of challenge (such as the COVID pandemic) that the winners will show their mettle and persevere through the crisis. By falling back and not struggling more, I was deigning myself to be a loser and she could not accept that. To me, this was an unfair accusation. I have been studying my ass off since middle school. I have not had a summer break in four years. I have reached the end of my rope 2 years ago but I managed to persevere on. COVID was simply the sledgehammer which broke the camel's back, and I explained to my mom I needed time to recover. While we still don't see completely eye to eye, we were able to reach an understanding.
I stand in a weird position where I can understand the logic and reasoning of the old mentality about steely toughness and practicalism, but understand the flaws in such an absolute way of thinking as well. It helps me to not get angry at my mom, and allows me to relate to this aspect of Benji's struggles.
I think the generational gap is such an important thread in the story. Each generation in Sag Harbor is generally isolated from the other. We see almost no intergenerational contact except the occasional small talk with a parent's friend or adult neighbor. This extreme generation gap is clearly evident in the example you give. Benji and his father simply aren't on the same page. His parents grew up in a different world than him and thus the advice they give often reflects that.
ReplyDeleteNot only is there a generational gap, but there is also a great amount of cultural pressure. Benji's family are outliers because they are filthy rich black people who have the luxury of vacationing on the east coast every summer. Because they are a "success story" I think there is greater pressure among the Sag Harbor kids to do well and succeed and follow in their parents footsteps to avoid "falling behind" socially and economically. The pressure to hold up a racial legacy must be intense. My friend was talking about this to me once. She said her parents were the first of her family to go to college and now they live in a nice neighborhood and she feels like she can't fail them and she HAS to succeed and live lives like them out of obligation to everything her family has fought for.
ReplyDeleteAmong other things, you make an important observation about the elementary-school conflict with the French student: he makes an ignorant, possibly innocent "joke" about Benji's skin color, and everyone in the room clearly understands that it crosses a line and is inappropriate. But then they all have Benji's back and make fun of the kid for being French. This would seem to even the scales: he makes Benji feel singled out for his skin color, so they respond by "othering" the French kid. But we can understand where Benji's father is coming from--these aren't "equivalent" insults, as being French doesn't carry nearly the same baggage as being Black in America does, just like a "slur" like "cracker" or "honky" for white people isn't at all "equivalent" to the N-word. There's a long history being evoked here, whether the French kid knows it or not, and while I have qualms about the way Benji's father teaches him this lesson, I don't disagree with the basic impulse.
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